Midgar
	AVERAGE FAN: Ooh! Pretty!
	CLOUD: I care for nothing.
	BARRETT: Shut up, foo. As a stereotypical representation of African-American males, I may have to get medieval on your ass if you don't respect mah authoritay
	JESSIE: My confusion leads to exposition.
	BIGGS: Hi. I'll be dead soon. My name is...
	CLOUD: I don't care.
	BARRETT: Why are all of you fanning around? We're eco-terrorists, not public relations flacks! Oh, that was too intelligent. Follow me, yo.
	CLOUD: You can't make me. You're not my daddy.
	BARRETT: Shut up, ya bastard! I'm editorializing here.
	CLOUD'S SUBCONSCIOUS: Vague warnings and premonitions! Atonal sounds! Danger, Will Robinson.
	CLOUD: I'm not just a pretty face who wields a phallic sword. I'm also capable of setting bombs. Where's my money?
	BARRETT: Later. First I have to give you the opportunity to get in trouble away from my supervision.
	CLOUD: Good idea
	AERIS: I'm selling flowers, despite the utter impossibility of them growing without sunlight. Perhaps it's my cheery, perky nature that nourishes them instead of the happy yellow sun.
	CLOUD: Why are you telling me this? I'm in the middle of running for my life here.
	AERIS: Oh, just buy one, you ingrate. I work so hard and no one cares. That'll be one gil.
	CLOUD: Thanks. Now I have to go be cornered by soldiers.
	SOLDIERS: Hey, you!
	CLOUD: Who, me? I'm doing nothing but jumping off this platform here.
	WEDGE: Cloud didn't make it.
	BIGGS: Have we established that Cloud didn't get to the train station on time?
	JESSIE: And that, despite having known him for at most a few hours, we are all very sad about this?
	CLOUD: Hi.
	EXPENDABLE TRIO: Cloud!
	BARRETT: I pity the fool who misses the trains I tell him to be on. Later, you will pay for this.
	JESSIE: But for now, let me show you a map of the city you've already lived in for several years!
	TRAIN: My role in this game is to function as a simplistic metaphor for city life, poor people, and Fate.
	BARRETT: Notice how I discuss our bombing of the reactor in public. No one ever said that I was good for anything other than cursing, shooting, and getting angry. Let's go to our hang out.
	TIFA: Hi, Cloud. Did you fight with Barrett?
	RANDOM WHITE FLASHES: Hello, Cloud. We'll be helping you remember things you shouldn't know for the rest of the game. Her name is Tifa. She wears orthopedic underwear.
	CLOUD: I had to suffer through his advances when the lights went out on the train, but no biggie. Tifa, did your polygons get bigger while I was away?
	TIFA: How sweet of you for noticing.
	CLOUD: I have a flower. Maybe I should just keep this to myself.
	TIFA: Ooh, is that for me?
	CLOUD: Of course. Because as a man, I am not allowed to enjoy girly things, like dresses or flowers.
	TIFA: That was a blip on the foreshadowing meter, for all you folks keeping score at home.
	BARRETT: Time to start the meeting. To the pinball machine!
	CLOUD: Where's my money?
	BARRETT: Not until you answer my pointless question with something that will offend me no matter what you say.
	CLOUD: If you're not paying me, then I'm leaving. I'm sure I can make some money at the Honeybee Inn doing what I do best.
	TIFA: Cloud, don't go! You haven't commented on how lifelike my assets are!
	BARRETT: Let him go, Tifa. He prefers Shinra's sweet sweet loving to mine.
	TIFA: Cloud, you can't walk out on me. Because promises made when you're small children are legally binding.
	CLOUD: Blast. Foiled by your superior arguing skizillz.
	BARRETT: We don't have any money right now. Have a promissary note.
	CLOUD: Why does it say "good for one sensual massage" in the memo space?
	BARRETT: Save some for later, tiger.
	CLOUD: Okay. Would you like to go through a boring and pointless tutorial for now?
	BARRETT: Would I ever!
	TIFA: I'm leaving a child in charge of my dingy bar so that I can keep an eye on you guys.
	BARRETT: Despite being characterized as a loving father, I for some reason don't care that my child will be alone, bored, and around huge amounts of alcohol. Well anyway, it's time to get on the train. Why hello, Shinra Employee. I'm not interested in killing you today, so consider yourself lucky.
	CONDUCTOR: I hate you, lower class filth. As a member of the bourgeois, I am fully within my rights to tell you that you smell.
	BARRETT: What'd you say?
	CONDUCTOR: Meep!
	CLOUD: I don't know what I'll be blowing up today. Time to talk about it in a public place.
	BARRETT: Okay. I'll disclose the details of my plan in front of a Shinra employee who hates me.
	Tifa: Hey, Cloud. How about you stand awkwardly close to me while it gets dark.
	CLOUD: The fake IDs, they no scan. The alarm, it goes "CLONG CLONG CLONG". The soldiers, they come at us, running.
	BARRETT: Let's go the front of the train before exiting it.
	Tifa: Our utter stupidity will shake them off our trail.
	CLOUD: I'm glad I'm being paid to put up with you idiots. Wow, it's time to jump off a speeding train. Why does so much of my life involve getting on or off moving public transportation?
	TIFA: There's a hole in this otherwise well-maintained security system. How convenient.
	CLOUD: Barrett, will you fit in there?
	BARRETT: No problem, man. I've spelunked tighter holes than this one.
	CLOUD'S SUBCONSCIOUS: Incomprehensible flashback featuring Tifa in a cowboy hat with somewhat smaller polygons!
	TIFA: My spider sense is tingling. Well, something's tingling anyway.
	SHINRA: Hi. I'll be dead soon. In the mean time, allow me to taunt you and then leave before I see you properly executed. Airbuster, I choose you!
	AIRBUSTER: BOOM
	TIFA: Cloud, will you be okay?
	CLOUD: Hold me, I'm nervous. Whoops, hand slipped. Note my calm expression as I plunge towards certain doom.
	AERIS: God, please grant me a big strong man to take care of all my problems.
	CLOUD: Owie. I fell through a church.
	AERIS: God must have misheard me. First he sends me a dud materia, and now a dud guy. What next?
	CLOUD: Both I and the materia resent that.
	RENO: Hello. Despite being the most effeminate and least threatening of the Turks, I am nonetheless capable of kicking ass and taking names.
	AERIS: Now that I'm in trouble, perhaps I was wrong about you, Cloud. Defend me from the evil wimpy man.
	RANDOM WHITE FLASH: Today we're here to teach Cloud the value of being "chivalrous for pay"
	CLOUD: I'd better get some kind of reward for this, as this will further corroborate my character as a filthy calculating bastard.
	SOLDIER: I think you're funny looking.
	CLOUD: Don't make me start hearing voices again.
	AERIS: We can't risk damaging the flowers that Cloud and a large portion of the roof fell on. Let's run away.
	RENO: I noticed Cloud's eyes over all else. Because this is a pattern all red-blooded heterosexual males follow. I'm concerned about the continued survival of the flowers.
	SOLDIER: Then why are you stepping on them?
	RENO: ...Shit.
	CLOUD: Let's jump this insanely long gap. I'm white and encumbered by a large phallic sword and I'm still capable of doing this. Anyone can!
	AERIS: They weren't firing rifles at you. As I have now fallen into enemy clutches, I will do the logical thing and go into Damsel-in-Distress mode as an odd and ineffective form of self-defense.
	RENO: Get them!
	CLOUD: I will prevent you from getting Aeris by using my barrel kung fu.
	SOLDIER: We're not worthy.
	RENO: I could easily capture you now, but I think I'd rather smoke a cigarette and fantasize about Cloud's sword.
	AERIS: The red-haired man has threatened me before. Perhaps you should keep me away from things with red hair.
	CLOUD: I choose to misread this blip on my foreshadowing meter.
	AERIS: You walked me home. Sovereignty is mine.
	CLOUD: Can I go visit Tifa?
	AERIS: No. I need you to become more accustomed to doing my bidding first.
	CLOUD: Okay.
	AERIS: Attaboy.
	CLOUD'S SUBCONCIOUS: Confusing References! Flashback featuring a mother talking about girls!
	CLOUD: Be quiet, voices. I have to sneak out of Aeris' house now.
	AERIS: Did I mention that I can, when the plot is willing, teleport? Because that's the only possible explanation for me getting here before you without you realizing.
	CLOUD: Good enough for me. Whoa, is that Tifa? She's wearing so much clothing!
	AERIS: Despite the Wall-Market seeming to be an area devoted to homosexuals and transsexuals, it is for some reason very dangerous for women. Do not leave my side under any circumstances.
	HONEYBEE INN GUY: Oh. You want Tifa? She is being ogled by the boss of Wall Market. Go check for her there.
	GUARD: Only women and cunningly disguised men allowed.
	CLOUD: Aeris, I don't like that gleam in your eyes.
	AERIS: Let's dress you as a girl! Admit it, it wouldn't be the first time.
	CLOUD: ...Barrett asked me to those other times.
	AERIS: Quit your whining. Let's get you a dress.
	CLERK: I'm afraid that's impossible. Only daddy is capable of using a needle and fabric to create clothing, and he's so disgusted by what's currently in style that he refuses to make anything.
	AERIS: Okay. We'll go to the bar and convince him to clothe Cloud. The novelty of putting a guy in a dress should appeal to him, even though there's already an entire community here in Wall Market that probably asked him to do that.
	TAILOR: Wow. That skinny, puny looking guy over there? He's certainly a representation of all that is macho. I'd love to make him a dress. What kind of thing are you looking for?
	AERIS: Something that shows off his killer legs and disguises his lack of breasts.
	CLOUD: Despite the fact that I pretended to be against this, I'm actually happy about wearing dresses. Will you please make me pretty?
	AERIS: Okay. We need to get you a wig, some jewelry, some perfume, and some provocative underwear that somehow hides your hot throbbing girlcock.
	CLOUD: Is that all? I carry that stuff around anyway.
	AERIS: We still need a wig. Time to go meet the scary cross-dressers.
	MUSCULAR GUY: I bet you can't do more squats than me.
	CLOUD: I'll have you know that I'm a champion at squatting. I do it all the time! I-
	AERIS: Cloud, don't divulge the personal details of your life.
	CLOUD: I squat well. The world is perfect.
	AERIS: It's time to go the mansion. Are you ready, Cloudette?
	CLOUDETTE: I can't wait!
	AERIS: You're a closet freak, aren't you?
	GUARD: Okay. As you are now a party of all women and/or cleverly disguised men, you are allowed through.
	MAJOR DOMO: I serve no purpose whatsoever. Feel free to disregard my injunction against wandering around the mansion.
	AERIS: Can do. Hi, Tifa. I'm Aeris. I don't like Cloud, no matter what it may look like.
	TIFA: Neither do I. He doesn't like my polygons, I can tell. When we were little he would sometimes sneak into my room and steal my clothing.
	CLOUDETTE: And I haven't changed much.
	TIFA: Meep. I'm going to ignore the utter creepiness of this situation and instead spew out some exposition about Don Corneo.
	DON CORNEO: I want the blonde. Do I make you horny baby?
	CLOUDETTE: Well, not really.
	DON CORNEO: That's okay. I love you in spite of your flaws.
	CLOUDETTE: Listen, buster. If you don't back off then Barrett, Reno, and several other male members of the cast I haven't met yet will be very angry, you understand?
	TIFA: Grr! Threaten!
	AERIS: Er, ditto,
	CLOUD: Yeah, me too.
	DON CORNEO: Fine, I'll tell all. Now it's time for me to wash you into the sewers. My incompetent minion will kill you
	APS: ROAR! FW-FWISH! [tidal wave-y sounds]
	CLOUD: Well, that was simple.
	AERIS: I predict that there are sewers and trains in our near future.
	TIFA: You must be psychic.
	WEDGE: Hi, Cloud. Despite being flung off of at least a five-story structure, I still have enough life left in me to be touched that you remembered my name.
	CLOUD: Calling you fatso counts?
	WEDGE: Shut up, you're spoiling the dramatic moment. Don't you hate it how it takes so long for everyone to die in games like this? Whoops, time's up.
	BIGGS: Cloud, before I go to my death, I must know: do you care about the planet as we do?
	CLOUD: I think the planet is allergic to me.
	BIGGS: That's nice, I suppose. It's time for me to ascend to that great big secret hideout in the sky.
	JESIIE: Cloud, I love you. What do you think of that?
	CLOUD: I'm not sure what to think. Can I get back to you on that?
	JESSIE: Sure, do you have my cell phone number?
	BARRETT: For some reason the bullets are hitting everything on this platform but me.
	TSENG: I have captured Aeris, but she's fine right now.
	AERIS: So is she.
	TSENG: Quiet, woman!
	RENO: Hi, it's me again. I'm here to destroy Sector 7. But first, let me put you into a pyramid. Well, that was fun. Time to press the button.
	CLOUD: We're all gonna die! Save the women and children first! ...Sorry, wrong script.
	TIFA: Look, Incredibly convenient life-saving steel cables!
	BARRETT: Isn't it nice that we always have an escape route? Too bad Marlene is crushed under thousands of tons of shrapnel and all my friends are dead. Otherwise my life would be perfect.
	TIFA: Aeris' use of "she" can only mean Marlene. As there are no other females we care about. All mention of Jessie has gone out of my mind. I never liked her much anyway. She molest- er, showed Cloud the train model before I could.
	CLOUD: Hey it just occurred to me that Reno wouldn't be chasing after a flower girl to get some nookie. So what makes her so special anyway?
	ELMYRA: Aeris is adopted. That's because her real mother didn't love her, so she gave her to me. She saw me on the street, and she was all, "take my baby. She's special", And I was all, "okay". Little did I know, Aeris was special. She was a total loon.
	YOUNG AERIS: I see dead people.
	BARRETT: In a curious mirror of your earlier situation, I am going off to war. Will you take care of my daughter while I'm gone?
	ELMYRA: Do I have "wet nurse" stamped on my forehead or something? Fine. By the way, a lot of rubble fell on Wall Market. You might find some mangled corpse parts if you're interested.
	CLOUD: By buying "batteries" from shady "pawn shops" you can "climb" heaps of junk and attain new heights of ectasy. Just a little message for the kiddies.
	BARRETT: You must be familiar with this building, Cloud, being from SOLDIER and all.
	CLOUD: I don't think I was the type of SOLDIER who ever visited Shinra headquarters.
	TIFA: Were you the type of SOLDIER who got promoted for doing questionable things with superior officers? Don't answer that. We have more important things to do.
	BARRETT: We can go in the front way and be shot to death.
	TIFA: Or we can climb endless flights of stairs. Now what's it gonna be?
	CLOUD: Let's do both!
	BARRETT: When did you become the leader again? I must have missed that part. Alright, I admit it. Endless stair-climbing isn't my forte. Can we go back now?
	TIFA: Listen. I'm tired of climbing these stairs. I'm out of breath. Years of aerobic and cardio-vascular exercise still leaves me as poorly prepared as someone using a stair-master and then expecting to be a master at mountain-climbing. Can we go back down the stairs and fight Shinra minions? Because I know I can do that.
	CLOUD: This is your own private hell, and I'll be your aerobics instructor. C'mon people, hop to it! Think of all those guilty pleasures you've consumed. Got it? Good. Now imagine them evaporating as we climb stair by stair to a top that may never happen. On second thought, let's go back down and fight Shinra. Anything is better than this fucking staircase.
	TIFA: I'm sliding down the banister, I can't take it any more.
	BARRETT: Finally, my turn. Alright, everyone shut up or I'll shut you up... with my arm!
	SOLDIER: Your fist, while big, isn't that scary when I'm thirty feet away from you.
	BARRETT: No, the other arm. The one with the gun on?
	SOLDIER: Oh, well in that case. Meep.
	BARRETT: That's more like it. To the elevator!
	TIFA: Let's press random buttons.
	CLOUD: I don't know if she can take it, captain.
	BARRETT: Alright, I feel sick. Stop at random intervals so that I can throw up on Shinra flunkies.
	CLOUD: Can do. Wow, each floor after floor 60 requires a passcard, and you can only get each passcard by solving a different puzzle. Sometimes I feel like I'm nothing but a puppet, being manipulated by a button-pressing overlord.
	TIFA: Don't talk crazy talk.
	CLOUD: Wow, that's one large duct. Even Barrett can fit in it. I wonder if it goes over the board room? Why yes, yes it does.
	BARRETT: How nice for us. I'll try to restrain myself from cursing and blowing our cover.
	REEVE: Shouldn't we rebuild Sector 7? We could include luxury condominium complexes, a casino, and all the other conveniences of modern life.
	SHINRA: We aren't going to rebuild Sector 7. Instead, I'm going to make biblical references and raise taxes.
	REEVE: But I hate it when you do that. Oh, bugger.
	PALMER: I probably shouldn't enjoy myself this much; it may give me a heart attack.
	SHINRA: So, my little hunchbacked freak. How goes it with the scientific probing of the messiah?
	HOJO: Well, it could be more enjoyable. She's not as fun as her mother was. On the plus side, my experiment on board member obesity is coming along nicely.
	HEIDIGGER: I'd throttle you, but I'm having too much fun being an evil kiss-ass.
	SHINRA: Well, that was short. Meeting adjourned. I'm going to go build myself an ark; with all these references floating around the Flood is bound to start any day.
	SCARLET: Well, that was boring. What reeks?
	CLOUD: The lady has a point. What reeks?
	TIFA: ...I couldn't restrain myself.
	BARRETT: Let's go the lab and rescue Aeris.
	HOJO: I'd tap on the glass and disturb you, but you look angry enough.
	JENOVA: Grr. If I ever get out, consider yourself plant fertilizer
	HOJO: Nice to know. I'll be leaving now. If there are people are eavesdropping on me, I would just like them to know that the lab is currently unattended and unlocked.
	TIFA: Ooh! What's that ugly thing?
	JENOVA: Hello, little girl. Nice polygons.
	TIFA: Why thank you!
	RANDOM WHITE FLASH: And next week on "I was molested by conceptual manifestations", we will meet a boy named Cloud seduced by the personification of Mako energy.
	CLOUD'S SUBCONSCIOUS: We love you, 'Nova. Oh yes we do. We'd do anything, for you. When you're not near us, we're blue. Oh 'Nova, we love you.
	CLOUD: Dude, that was pretty fucked up right there. Let's pose as maids and janitors and take the service elevator.
	BARRETT: It's unguarded.
	CLOUD: Damn. And I had the best maid's outfit all picked out, too.
	HOJO: Hello, messiahspecimen. How are you today?
	AERIS: I have a name. It's Aeris. I like the color pink. Things with red hair chase me.
	HOJO: Well, I wasn't sure before, but who am I to mess with Fate? Release the angry red-haired creature into her cage. Despite the fact that I must know something about genetics, and I therefore realize that these two are biologically incompatible, all of those hormone therapy treatments I gave the red one ought to have worked by now.
	BARRETT: My gun shatters your scientific aspirations!
	HOJO: Curses, and I'd have created a new hybrid species if not for you meddling kids, and your dog Red XIII!
	CLOUD: Lion.
	HOJO: Whatever!
	RED XIII: You suck, Hojo, but your hump turns me on. I think I want you in that way.
	HOJO: Note to self: Do not give specimens hormone treatments.
	AERIS: Uh, maybe you should get off of him.
	RED XIII: Only if I'm allowed to boss you guys around.
	CLOUD: Okay. Let's go to the elevator. Hey, it's the Turks!
	RENO: Hey, it's us! Assume the position.
	SHINRA: Hello. Now that you're handcuffed, I'll expel some exposition and taunt you.
	BARRETT: You suck, President Shinra.
	SHINRA: Talk to the hand. I banish thee from my sight. Because all corporate headquarters are normally equipped with prison cells.
	RED XIII: If there were such a thing as a sanction against cruel and unusual punishment in this place, then rooming me with Barrett would definitely be in violation of it.
	BARRETT: Don't make me get out my visual aids as to why Avalanche is good and Shinra bad. Commence with the brainwashing.
	TIFA: Aeris, is it admissable to make further biblical references?
	AERIS: Well, I suppose. My mother, you know my birth-mother, the one that abandoned me at a young age, she said that there is a super happy fun place somewhere out there. But I think that only I'm allowed to go, so this whole Shinra thing is kind of moot.
	TIFA: Oh. Did you tell them that?
	AERIS: I tried, but they just said, "La la la. We can't hear you." It was kind of discouraging.
	CLOUD: Wow, I'm lonely. I wish someone were sharing my cell with me. On the plus side, I'm allowed to drop the soap. Maybe I'll catch a few winks.
	SOLDIER: I'm hideously disemboweled. Steal my keys, why don't you?
	CLOUD: Sounds like fun. Does anyone know what happened?
	AERIS: Cloud, why are you walking funny?
	CLOUD: I don't know. I think I slept strangely, it hurts to sit down. Incidentally, Sephiroth was here. It must be coincidence.
	RED XIII: Jenova is gone, and good thing, too. I saw her eyeing me in that tank. I'd rather not think about that and Hojo's ambitions at creating hybrid species.
	BARRETT: The blood trail indicates that a man clad in a black robe with silver hair and green eyes took what he thinks is his mother up a floor via the service elevator. Let's do the same.
	TIFA: How did you know all that?
	BARRETT: The foreshadowing hit me in the head while I was sleeping.
	AERIS: Let's use the service elevator again. Because everyone knows that nothing ever attacks people in elevators, especially not in the horror movies this scene is curiously reminiscient of.
	CLOUD: Sweet holy mother of crap!
	TIFA: Sephiroth, in the CEO's office, with the katana. I love it when I'm right.
	PALMER: I saw it all. He was a terrible man. He had eyes like the cruel north wind and a bizarre fascination with the president's biblical references. I'm going to ignore the advice of my doctor and run all the way home now.
	RUFUS: Nepotism rules you. Literally. I slay me.
	CLOUD: No, I slay you.
	RUFUS: Not while I have my doggie to protect me. Oh damn, it died. Ta!
	CLOUD: Come back here, I'm not finished projecting rival slash vibes.
	BARRETT: We're barricaded in this building.
	RED XIII: We're trapped, trapped like rats!
	TIFA: Let's passively wait for Cloud, relying on his ingenuity to rescue us.
	CLOUD: It's time for me to drive a motorcycle that should, by all rights, not have fuel in it. You guys are going to have to make do with a truck.
	AVERAGE FAN: ...Pretty
	CLOUD: My large phallic sword comes in handy while steering one handed. Take that, Shinra flunkies. And you, large mechanical creature. Prepare to die!
	MOTOR BALL: My life is empty. Boom.
	AERIS: Well, that was fun. Now what?
	CLOUD: Let's go on a long and seemingly pointless quest to find Sephiroth!
	TIFA: Sounds like a good idea. I think Cloud should lead us.
	RED XIII: I agree. The blind should definitely lead the blind.
	BARRETT: Why am I no longer the leader? Note that as soon as a white-male with blonde hair and blue eyes steps onto the scene, us black folk get oppressed.
	CLOUD: You just don't understand the full load of the white man's burden. Let's go to Kalm. It'll be more dangerous if we split up, so let's do that, too.
	AERIS: He's already living up to our expectations.

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