| Yukon, Ho |
 | | CLOUD: | Which way did he go, Barrett? Which way did he go? |
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 | | BARRETT: | He said he'd be going through the snow fields to the north. |
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 | | VINCENT: | I know what lies beneath the snow fields. |
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 | | CID: | That's nice, Vincent. |
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 | | TIFA: | I'm freezing. Can we please proceed to Icicle Inn? |
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| | CLOUD: | Sounds like a plan. |
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 | | ELENA: | You killed my boss. Prepare to die. |
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| | CLOUD: | No, I didn't. That was Sephiroth. We share many characteristics, even possibly some DNA, but we are not the same person. Couldn't be more different, I assure you. |
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| | ELENA: | I stone cold hate you, Cloud. And now we duel with fists. |
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| | CLOUD: | Even though I don't want to? |
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| | ELENA: | Even though that might be the case. C'mon, let's do this. I'll hit you first it'll be justlikefightclubOMG!! |
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| | CLOUD: | Your dragon style is no match for my flashy yet restrained pheonix combos. Anyway, I'd rather be snowboarding. |
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| | TIFA: | Looks like it's time for an X-Treme sports mini-game. |
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 | | YUFFIE: | Now with balloons for added fun. |
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| | CID: | Watch out for that glacier, Cloud. |
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 | | RED XIII: | Oof. That landing looked killer. |
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| | TIFA: | Okay, people, it's like this. If we don't find some shelter soon, we will collapse and die. |
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 | | HOLZOFF: | Conveniently, I have lived at the foot of this here ice mountain for twenty years, my memories my only company. It is a wonder that I have not gone completely round the twist. |
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| | YUFFIE: | Yeah, that is pretty incredible. |
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| | HOLZOFF: | "Mad," they called me. Well, I'll show them mad, oh yes I will. I sit here in my room, all alone but for ice picks and my flags and memories of Yamski. Yamski cut his own rope, though. I had nothing to do with it. Understand? |
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| | CID: | Sure thing. Whatever you want. Can we leave now? |
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| | HOLZOFF: | Okay, I did it. But I did it for love and money and revenge. And I put his body to good use, oh yes I did. His remains are frozen outside to this day. They are in very good condition. I visit them regularly to reconnect with my lost Yamski. Oh, Yamski. You were so young. |
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 | | CAIT SITH: | Okay, kind of creeping me out. |
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| | BARRETT: | We must take a break to appreciate nature. |
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| | CLOUD: | Killing ice witches with water from hot springs is like chicken soup for the soul. Ooh, shiny. |
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| | TIFA: | Everything is very pretty in these here ice caves. |
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| | CAIT SITH: | Even those killer icicles. Deadly, yet sparkly. |
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| | CID: | As we approach the Crater, I'd like to make the stock joke of wondering how some of us are still alive when we're wearing so little. |
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| | TIFA: | My daddy was the Human Torch. |
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| | VINCENT: | That is both ludicrous and untrue. My daddy was the Human Torch. |
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| | RED XIII: | I think you're both wrong, because the scion of the Human Torch is none other than myself. |
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| | YUFFIE: | Red XIII, we met your dad. He's in Cosmo Canyon. His name is Seto. You hated him, but then there was a lot of foreshadowing and now you like him. Remember? |
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| | RED XIII: | That man is not my father. It's okay, Human Torch. I know that you understand me. |
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| | CLOUD: | Besides, you're a dog. |
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| | CLOUD: | Whatever. How would that even work? |
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| | RED XIII: | You win this time, humans. But I will be left alive once all of you are dead, and then we shall see who gets to write the history books. Oho. |
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| | CAIT SITH: | How are you going to write when you don't have hands? |
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| | RED XIII: | Whatever, I am equipped with a prehensile tail. I will write the book with it, and then you will all be sorry. |
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| | BARRETT: | Well, now that we're through with crazy time, let's move out. |
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 | | RUFUS: | I love riding around in my nice spacious airship. |
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 | | HEIDIGGER: | Promised Land. Amazing. Creaming. Pants. |
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 | | HOJO: | We will all be reunionated. I think this is funny for reasons of my own. |
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 | | SEPHIROTH: | It's time to die. For you. All of you. |
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| | CLOUD: | Sephiroth, your time is through, 'cause now it's time to answer to . . . |
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 | | CLOUD, BARRETT, AND CID: | Team AVALANCHE |
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 | | TEAM AVALANCHE: | FUCK YEAH! |
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| | SEPHIROTH: | This vessel is almost completely useless now. Soon I will acquire a new one. Meanwhile, JENOVA. |
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| | YUFFIE: | Ugh, not again. Lame. |
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 | | CLOUD: | I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle here is -- |
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| | CLOUD: | It is time for us to go after Sephiroth. With this black materia in our hands --again-- we cannot fail. Here, Barrett. Why don't you take it. Don't give it to anyone under any circumstances. |
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| | TIFA: | Sephiroth is being tricksy. We must ignore his little puppet show and hurry on. |
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| | CLOUD: | Well, if you think that's best. |
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| | TIFA: | I guess you're trying to make out like I wasn't at Nibelheim? Well I know what I remember. |
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| | SEPHIROTH: | The funny thing about memory is that it's not picture perfect. |
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 | | CAMERA MAN: | ...Photograph I take. |
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| | CLOUD: | That's not true. It's impossible. |
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| | SEPHIROTH: | "Picture perfect"? Get it? Get it? |
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| | CLOUD: | Tifa, tell the man this isn't true. |
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| | TIFA: | Cloud, I can't do that right now. I'm going to retreat to my happy place. |
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| | CLOUD: | I remember everything perfectly. You cannot lie to me, Sephiroth. |
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| | SEPHIROTH: | Dark Side has way more fun. Cooler costumes, too. Join us. |
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| | CLOUD: | Cooler costumes, don't make me laugh. Have you seen Kuja's mankini? |
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 | | KUJA: | Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. |
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| | BARRETT: | Will not give materia to anyone. Not even if world goes dark. |
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 | | SEPHIROTH CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS TIFA: | Barrett, I'm so glad I found you in all the darkness. We need your help. Help us, you're our only hope! |
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| | BARRETT: | Ok, Tifa. I will come right away. |
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| | SEPHIROTH: | Well, that was easy. |
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| | SCARLET: | This crater sure is crater-y. Can we go home now? |
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| | CLOUD: | Sounds like a plan. We'll kill Sephiroth, you guys bugger off. |
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| | CLOUD: | Barrett, give me the materia. |
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| | SEPHIROTH: | Cloud, give me the materia. |
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| | HOJO: | My hypothesis is correct. A winner is me. |
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| | CLOUD: | I don't have a number. |
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| | HOJO: | What? Curses. Not as brilliant as I thought, then. |
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| | SEPHIROTH: | A very blonde, eminently adorable puppet, but yes. |
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| | CAIT SITH: | Man, me and Cloud are bonding on a whole new level. |
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| | CLOUD: | Do, a deer, a female deer. Re, a drop of golden sun. Mi, a name I call myself. |
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 | | WEAPONS: | Hello, friends. We will be terrorizing various places now. Fear our 1337 skillz. |
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| | CID: | Man, I wish I had an airship. This thing is awesome. |
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| | BARRETT: | I wonder if Cloud will come back. |
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| | TIFA: | I feel the vapors coming on. Could someone get me a fan, please? *thud* |
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