| Cloud and Zack Theory Two |
| Cloud and Zack are both normal people who led normal lives |
 | | ZACK: | Cloud, let's go explore Nibelheim Mansion for undisclosed reasons. It's sure to be abandoned and creepy. |
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 | | CLOUD: | Sounds cool. Let's do it. Jinkies! A secret-passageway! Who would have thought that a haunted mansion would have a secret passageway? |
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| | ZACK: | Let's descend the annoying spiral staircase of doom and find out what's at the bottom. |
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 | | HOJO: | What are you two doing down here? Rotten kids always discovering my lab when looking for hidden make-out spots... Unfortunately, this here place is occupied. I will now inject you with JENOVA cells. Marvel at my scientific prowess. Sovereignty is mine. |
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| | ZACK: | I'm feel dizzy and weak, but I more than a match for a girly-man with a hunchback. Cloud, let's escape. Be sure to step on Hojo as we leave. |
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| | ZACK: | Let's hitch a ride in that random pick-up truck, there. |
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| | CLOUD: | As long as you sit in the back and do questionable things with me, I'm fine with it. |
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| | ZACK: | Can we hitch a ride? |
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 | | DRIVER: | Yeah, sure. Just lay down in the back of the truck and I'll take you to N. Corel. |
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| | ZACK: | Sounds good. Because that place isn't a hotbed of Shinra activity or anything. |
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| N. Corel |
| | CLOUD: | Zack, why can't you get it up? Is something wrong? |
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| | ZACK: | I'm slowly dying of radiation poison-- erm, JENOVA cell poisoning, you idiot. |
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| | CLOUD: | Well, what do you want me to do about it? |
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 | | SCARLET: | Eat curiously inaccurate bullets and die! |
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| | ZACK: | Oh no, it's Scarlet! I am no match for her abilities right now! Cloud, let's run for it. |
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| | CLOUD: | Yes, let's elope! Erm, escape! |
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| | SCARLET: | There is no spoon. |
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 | | SOLDIER A: | Should we do anything beyond missing repeatedly with machine guns? |
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| | SCARLET: | Go after them. I will stay here on a very urgent mission that involves president Shinra's hairpiece and superglue. |
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| | SOLDIER B: | Right then, men. This is our only chance for bullets to actually be fatal in the entire game! Let's go for it! |
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| | ZACK: | Ack! I'm hit! Cloud, I'm dying! |
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| | CLOUD: | Oh my God, you winged Zack! You bastards! |
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| | ZACK: | Oh, shut up and let me rest in peace. |
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| | SOLDIERS: | Let's get the blonde one while he's still all girly and vulnerable. |
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| | CLOUD: | I'm hit too. We'll die together, Zack. |
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| | SOLDIERS: | No need to check if they're dead behind that little hillock. Why gun them down at pointe-blank range when you have the ambiguous knowledge that they both may be injured? |
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 | | CLOUD: | Because of some unexplained plot contrivance, the same JENOVA cells that killed Zack have a positive effect on me and heal my wounds. Zack, my lover. You are now a corpse. I will avenge you. |
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 | | Random White Flash: | Turn your head and cough. |
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| | CLOUD: | I am Cloud, Soldier First-class. If I remind you of Zack, it's because I am him, with a few notable differences in hair color and sanity. |
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